No One’s Jacked Like Gaston: My Weight Gainer Shake Recipe

Okay, to clarify, there aren’t dozens of eggs in this, only two. I just thought the name was clever. If you want to eat five dozen eggs so you can be roughly the size of a barge go right ahead, but your farts will probably knock a buzzard off a $hit wagon.

Gaston Farts

I got the basis of this recipe from Rich Piani (RIP, big man), who at one point got himself up to an insane 314 lbs before ending his bulk, which even at 6’1″ that’s still a lot, so this dude was roughly the size of a barge. The recipe he came up with was cheap but effective for gaining weight, and you don’t have to buy expensive weight gainer or protein powders. You can literally get this stuff from any grocery store, or in my case, Costco. It’s perfect for a bro on a budget.

The basis of the recipe was an egg, a banana, peanut butter, and oatmeal, but I added to it so it tastes better and has more health benefits. The problems I had with the basic recipe was it didn’t taste good, it was very thick, and my youngest daughter is allergic to peanuts so I changed the peanut butter to almond butter. What’s nice about this is you can change it however you want according to your needs, but here’s what I like to use.

2 eggs:

2 eggs have 10 grams of fat, 12 grams of protein, 156 calories

1 banana (size may vary)

1 banana has .4 grams of fat, 1.3 grams of protein, and 105 calories

1/2 cup of oatmeal

1/2 a cup has 3 grams of fat, 5 grams of protein, and 150 calories

1/2 cup whole organic milk

4 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of protein, 80 calories

2 tablespoons of almond butter

18 grams of fat, 7 grams of protein, 210 calories

Top it off with kefir, I typically use about 1/2 a cup, usually depending on the size of the banana I used. If it’s a larger banana, I end up using about 1/4 a cup of kefir.

1.2 grams of fat, 5.5 grams of protein, 75 calories
Kefir is also a probiotic so it boosts your immune system by balancing the bacteria and restoring the flora in your intestines, and I’ve read it also increases bone strength, fights cancer, improves symptoms from allergies, helps your connective tissues heal (things like skin and muscles, so big bonus for you bros out there), and improve symptoms from lactose intolerance. Everyone in my house was sick and I was the only one who managed not to get it, so I know this works. I recommend strawberry or blueberry flavor, BTW.

Total fat: 36.6
Total protein: 35.3
Total calories: 776, almost half the daily requirement.

Shake without cherries

Sweeten with stevia to taste. I make mine the night before so I can drink it for breakfast when I wake up, and for some reason the sweetness fades during the night, or possibly is dulled by the cold, so I put about 12 of the tiny spoons in there. The oatmeal also thickens overnight so you almost need a spoon because it’s absorbed everything and it’s just thick, gray sludge. But at least you don’t have to run the blender when everyone is trying to sleep.

You can also swap out something with protein powder for added protein and calories. One scoop of the protein powder my wife uses has 1 gram of fat, 24 grams of protein, and 130 calories. The protein powder is also naturally sweetened, meaning it has no aspartame (the stuff that’s in diet sodas that never leaves your body). Unfortunately that does mean it has sugar, but it’s only 2 grams of sugar per serving, but another option is using only stevia and buying a protein powder with no sweetener, the only issue with that is unsweetened protein powders, in my experience, are more expensive.

Adding to the subject of swapping out ingredients for added health benefits, my father-in-law had given us some cherries from his tree and after people had gotten bored of them, there were a few left so I took the seeds out and put them in with less kefir in the shake. From what I’ve read, cherries are full of antioxidants, protect against diabetes, promote healthy sleep, lessen joint pain from arthritis, lower incidents of gout pain, lower cholesterol, and as a result, lower the possibility of heart disease, and lastly cherries increase recovery in your muscles from exercise while reducing soreness. That’s a pretty big freaking deal, bro. Have fun and enjoy the upcoming gains.

Cherry Protein Shake


*All claims regarding health are based on my own experiences and what I’ve read. I and my blog are not responsible for any adverse effects to health the reader experiences from following the advice of this article.

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